I opened up the box the other day. I haven't done that for a year now and everytime I do, memories come flooding back. This time was different though.

I sat there for five minutes reading the letters, the cards, the numerous journal entries and I couldn't help but marvel at how clear everything was during that time. and how stupid I was in not seeing the end coming when there was so much pointing to it.

I sat there contemplating and reading those words on the papers. Nothing new, not like there were new words to read. But the words spoke in a different way this time, in a way like God was saying "See, I was there right along but you just couldn't see Me." It's only now I can see how everything was laid out, in our faces and yet we chose to ignore the danger, the consequences, the pain.

In the end, I can't help but smile at how ironic it has turned out to be. Well, how ironic I have turned out to be.

Sometimes I wonder if God laughs at me. I have a feeling He has a great sense of humor and I bet He laughs at how stupid I am ... You know, those moments when you're utterly alone and no one else is around you but you do the stupidest thing and you're like "Phew! Good thing NO ONE SAW THAT"... and then it hits, "Shoot. God saw that."

Then again, I don't think He would laugh at me and be like "Stupid creature with such low IQ" but would probably laugh like those jolly grandpa's with a twinkle in His eye. You know, those old people smiles that crinkle up into laughter?

Sometimes I wonder what I would like when I grow older. I was watching some TLC program "Honey, We're killing the kids" and basically, it's about parents who overfeed their kids and they turn obese/overweight and how they wanna change that. So one portion of the program, they use some machine to project what the child would look like in 40 years (with/without a healthy diet). And seriously that "age projection" is pretty awesome.

And I always wonder what I'd look like in Heaven, would I be old and wrinkly or will I have my body of a 19 year old still? Hmm... or does it all depend on how old you are when you die?

Or will we have bodies at all?

I wish I could magically pluck certain people around the world right here right now. Just for a brief moment ... like if I had a question for someone, I could just make them appear in front of me would be pretty nifty.